Masculine Energy Trap | Avalaura Gaither: Why Your Boss Energy Is Killing Your Bedroom Chemistry | #160

She Prayed for Freedom on Friday. Got Fired on Monday. And Finally Found Herself.

She stood in her boss's office, envelope sliding across the desk. "You’ve been amazing, but I have to let you go."

For Avalaura Gaither—overachiever, perfectionist, licensed social worker—this moment should have devastated her. She’d never been fired from anything in her life. Yet somewhere beneath the ego’s rage, a whisper emerged: "You asked for this."

Just days before, she’d been on her hands and knees at a women’s retreat, sobbing, begging God to get her out. Out of the soul-crushing job. Out of the life where she wasn’t laughing anymore. Out of the body that kept gaining weight as her spirit kept shrinking.

Getting fired wasn’t the ending. It was the answer.

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When Success Becomes a Prison

In a powerful conversation on the Sex Reimagined Podcast with hosts Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown, Avalaura shares what millions of high-achieving women are experiencing but rarely admit: reaching professional goals while feeling completely depleted inside.

"I literally laugh every day at everything," Avalaura explains. "And I wasn’t laughing anymore. That’s when I knew—who is this person?"

She was gaining weight. She didn’t want to go to work anymore. She was declining personally even as she maintained her professional facade. The system she worked in—social work—wasn’t designed to heal people, she realized. It was designed to keep them dependent.

"I realized the system wasn’t really set up to help people heal, but really to help people maintain their dysfunction," she reflects. "If I want to get to the roots, to really heal from the inside out, this system does not support that."

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The Masculine-Feminine Energy Paradox

Through her work with high-achieving women, CEOs, and celebrities, Avalaura has identified a core issue: the same energy that makes women successful professionally is creating havoc in their intimate lives.

All day, women operate in what Chinese medicine calls "yang energy"—the masculine force of doing, achieving, conquering, controlling. Corporate environments demand it. You can’t be emotional in meetings. You can’t flow and surrender when quarterly reports are due.

Then these women come home, and everyone expects them to magically shift into "yin energy"—the feminine state of receiving, flowing, being, opening.

"You don’t know how to do that because you haven’t been in a position where you could do it," Avalaura explains. "And if you are in a relationship, you don’t necessarily have a partner who’s used to supporting you in your feminine because they’re still used to you doing everything."

Dr. Willow Brown adds that epic sexual energy is born from deep relaxation—from yin energy. But when you’re running on cortisol all day, your nervous system stays in fight-or-flight mode. And cortisol doesn’t just suppress libido—it robs you of desire for life itself.

The Hidden Crisis in High-Achieving Women

Avalaura shares an observation from her practice that many will find striking: she’s seen a disproportionate amount of sexual trauma in Type-A, high-achieving women.

The connection makes sense. When you feel broken in one area, you compensate by becoming exceptional in others. Professional achievement becomes armor. Independence becomes protection.

"I have to protect myself because nobody else will," Avalaura explains of this mindset. "I have to have my money. I have to be independent because I can’t depend on anybody."

This drives relentless work ethic, perfectionism, and difficulty with vulnerability—especially sexual vulnerability. Because sexuality requires complete openness, the very thing trauma taught wasn’t safe.

Often the trauma isn’t even clear-cut. "It might be date rape, something that’s not black and white, but you feel like something wasn’t right, something was broken there, but I can’t really describe it," Avalaura says. "So because it’s not black and white, I don’t really know how to define it for myself. So I kind of just dismiss it and write it off as not being important."

The Martyr Pattern Keeping Women Stuck

During the episode, co-host Leah Piper identifies something many women will recognize: the martyr archetype.

"There’s a part of me that goes, 'See, no one can do it the way I do it. See all this suffering,'" Leah admits. "If you were to receive, you’d be taking away my suffering, and then who would I be?"

This shadow pattern runs deep. Women refuse help not because it isn’t offered, but because accepting it would dismantle their identity. They’ve become addicted to being the one who does everything, manages everything, sacrifices everything.

The ego gets something from this story: validation, significance, proof of worth. But the spirit—that quiet inner voice—is dying.

The Modern Woman's Impossible Load

Leah articulates what many women experience: "Women have so much more responsibility in everyday life. Not only is it tending to the home and in some cases having the children and still wanting to have a happy marriage... but it’s also being a provider. It’s being the researcher, making sure everyone is getting to do those sports, maintaining that calendar, planning and doing all the research when it comes to vacation, cleaning the whole house, and their partner still wants them to like sex."

The result? "We are worn out. We are tapped out."

When you’re tired and stressed, that cortisol suppresses desire. Depression and anxiety set in. Women have a hard time feeling desire for any part of their life.

Why Doing the Dishes Is Actually Foreplay

One of the episode’s most practical revelations challenges traditional relationship advice.

Avalaura shares about her current partner: "I love when he cooks dinner for me. I love when he’s helping the girls with their homework. Oh my God, that’s sexy to me. That is not emasculating him. Now I see that as him being the leader of his household."

This reframes everything. Partners often wonder why date nights aren’t creating desire. Meanwhile, their spouse is drowning in household management, childcare logistics, and mental load.

When partners genuinely share the load, they’re not just being helpful—they’re creating the conditions for their spouse to drop into the receptive, sensual state that allows arousal to emerge.

The Real Housewives, Real Issues

Avalaura’s work has taken her into unexpected places, including coaching cast members from Bravo’s Real Housewives of Potomac, specifically Karen Huger and her husband.

"It was really interesting how a two-hour session got reduced to two minutes on the show," she shares. The core issue with high-achieving couples? "They’re not hearing each other. They’re not listening to each other."

Both partners are so entrenched in their positions—their stress, their demands, their expectations—that they can’t actually receive what the other is saying. They need an intermediary to translate: "This is what she’s saying. This is what he’s saying."

Ego vs. Spirit: Learning to Tell the Difference

A central theme throughout the conversation is distinguishing between ego and spirit—and recognizing which one is running your life.

"Our ego is loud and yelling and telling us what should be done and all the negative," Avalaura explains. "Our spirit is flow and power and really soft and magnetic."

Most women, she observes, think their ego is their spirit and their spirit is their ego. They’re operating from the wrong source entirely without realizing it.

Your feelings—the ones you’ve been dismissing, overriding, or numbing—are actually intuitive messages. "Your feelings are carrying information that you need," Avalaura says. "And if you listen to that information, here’s the outcome that you can have in your life. But if you continue to dismiss, deny, act like it doesn’t exist, reject it—this is the other pattern that’s gonna continue to happen in your life."

Leah adds: "So many people don’t know where to find inner guidance. What does it feel like in your body? When you look at the outcomes, what happens when you believe the ego? What happens when you’re guided by alignment, that inner guidance?"

The Power of Asking for Help

Dr. Willow Brown shares a breakthrough moment from an ayahuasca journey where she needed help getting to the bathroom. "I need help," she said, her voice quiet and weak. "It was such a revolution... I get to ask for help. I deserve and I’m worthy."

Avalaura sees this resistance constantly. One client with a demanding job was struggling with laundry and housework. When Avalaura suggested a laundry service or house cleaner, the client responded: "I never even thought of that."

"A lot of what they were experiencing was low self-love," Avalaura explains. "Even though they’re confident and badass and succeed in business, when you look at their self-love, it is low on the totem pole. It’s, 'I’m not gonna ask for help. All the times I’ve asked for help, nobody helps me. So I’m not gonna ask anymore. I just have to do everything myself.' That becomes 'I’m not worthy of help, there must be something wrong with me.'"

The Six-Month Healing Sabbatical

After getting fired, Avalaura took what she calls her "six-month healing sabbatical."

"I did my work. Who am I? Why am I here? Counseling. Started studying life coaching, studied Reiki, hypnotherapy, aromatherapy—any healing art I could get my hands on. I took six months where I really just worked on me."

At the end of those six months, she opened her business with a clear mission: "I wanna be the guide that I needed when I was going through one of the worst things in my life and I didn’t know what to do. I need to be that guide for others because I know there are other people out there who are struggling, who feel like they’ve done all this work on themselves, they reached the mountaintop of success, and they’re not happy. Something is off and something is wrong and missing, and I gotta figure out what that is because I know there’s more to life than this."

The Energy Healing Revolution

Avalaura now uses energy work, particularly Reiki, with her clients to access what talk therapy often misses.

"What I love about Reiki and energy work is you’re going to get the energy that you need right now, and that energy shifts," she explains. "A session today can be completely different from a session tomorrow. It shifts based on what you need most at this time."

The practice requires letting go of control and surrendering to the experience. "This is a time to be able to let go and surrender and just allow things to be what they are."

Energy healing creates permission to feel whatever arises. "A lot of times during these sessions, feelings come up that you didn’t even know you were having, that you couldn’t put into words."

As Leah notes: "Something finally got safe enough inside of you that you allow something that’s been suppressed, that’s caused you to be numb, to suddenly be cathartically expressed and then let go of."

Creating Safety to Be Vulnerable

When working with couples on sexual intimacy, Avalaura emphasizes that the first step is creating safety.

"Sex and money—those are two of the things people do not wanna talk about," she says. "It really is a vulnerable space. So getting them to that point where they can really be vulnerable and honest, because a lot of people wanna lie. They wanna make things seem better than they are."

Women especially don’t want to admit they’re in a sexless marriage. "I don’t want people to know that we’re in a sexless marriage. I’m too tired. I don’t feel like it. He doesn’t desire me the way I feel he should. The romance is gone. We don’t date anymore. I don’t wanna say we’re in a sexless marriage. Yeah, we’re married and we’ve been married 20 years and everybody thinks it’s perfect and really I’m dying inside."

The key is self-awareness. "Self-awareness is key," Avalaura explains. "You have to know that about yourself first before we can actually deal with the problem. I could not fully deal with my problem and ask for help until I realized, 'Whoa, this is how bad things have gotten. This is where I am. I hate my job. I don’t like my life anymore. I’m not happy. I’m depressed.'"

The Gap Between Who You Are and Who You Want to Be

Avalaura helps clients see where they currently are, then identify where they actually want to be. "Start to see the gap," she says.

Leah responds: "Where do you wanna be? Who are you right now, but where, who do you wanna be? Where are we headed? That is such a powerful piece of inquiry."

Avalaura acknowledges: "A lot of people, it does not feel good."

Dr. Willow Brown adds that transformation depends on how much resistance exists inside a person—how attached they are to their current identity. "How much does that bring us safety? How much does that bring us comfort? Are we willing to live outside of that comfort zone? Are we willing to surrender through resistance and find the other side, which is unknown?"

The unknown is scary. "As human beings, we want to know. We want to have a path laid out before us. We want that sense of security," Willow says. But intuitive healing requires following your heart and listening to spirit, even when you can’t see what’s on the other side.

Why Sexual Empowerment Transforms Everything

The conversation reveals why sexuality isn’t separate from the rest of life—it’s foundational to everything.

"We’re holistic beings," Avalaura explains. "All things operate together. Your ability to be vulnerable affects every other area of your life. If you can be vulnerable sexually, if you can ask for what you want sexually, if you know how to please yourself sexually, if you trust yourself to be naked and to see yourself fully—if you can do those things, then you’re going to show up differently in your life, in the workplace, in your relationships, in your families."

She offers an analogy: "It’s just like the woman who has on beautiful lingerie or bra and panties underneath her clothes. She’s the only one who knows she has it. So she shows up differently because she feels sexy on the inside. People are looking at you like, 'Yo, something’s different. Did you cut your hair? Did you lose weight?' There’s something going on. They feel it, they sense it, even if they don’t know what it is."

Sexual empowerment lights up areas of life that were dead. It opens energy centers that then transform how all other areas function.

The Intuition You’ve Been Ignoring

Dr. Willow Brown reflects on how long she’s been following her intuition: "I forget that people don’t do it. I forget that so many people don’t believe that they have intuitive powers."

Avalaura confirms this is common: "A lot of us think we’re not intuitive and we really are. It’s because we don’t listen, and nobody taught us how to really pay attention and honor our intuition."

She helps clients trace back moments when something clicked for them but they didn’t listen. "What was the outcome? Then we can trace back and look at, 'Okay, now what if you have that moment again, what could the outcome be if you listen?'"

People start to see their intuitive capacity was there all along. They just weren’t trained to recognize or trust it.

Leah emphasizes the importance of tracking: "Where do you find inner guidance? What does it feel like in your body? Here’s the measurement: when you look at the outcomes, what happens when you believe the ego? What happens when you’re guided by alignment? How do you feel them both in your body differently so you can begin to trust from an embodiment standpoint?"

The Manifestation Connection

Avalaura talks about manifestation as part of this holistic picture. "We’re talking about sexuality. We’re talking about intimacy. We’re talking about vulnerability. All of these things also help you to manifest. It helps you to be more intentional. It helps you to be very clear about what are the things that you really want in life—not the things that people tell you you’re supposed to want, but what you actually truly in your heart, in your body desire."

Her own experience demonstrates this. She was present at the retreat, had her emotional breakthrough, and immediately afterward got fired—giving her the freedom to be on the path she truly wanted.

"It took all of those things for it to happen," she says.

Using Your Senses to Ground Into Presence

One of Avalaura’s techniques involves using the five senses to drop into the present moment and shift from head to body.

She recently told a client who was constantly in her head making up scenarios: "Go outside, take your shoes off. Put your feet in the grass and ground yourself. Be in nature. Look at all the different colors. See what you’re smelling."

The client responded: "You know what? I’m gonna do that right now at lunch."

This practice helps people come down from their head into their heart space, into their spirit. "That’s where the magic happens," Avalaura says. "When you can just be present and you can just intentionally say, 'This is what I desire,' and then allow it to come to you instead of being in your head of, 'Oh my God, this can go wrong, that can go wrong.'"

The Self-Care Audit

Avalaura offers a free Self-Care Audit because awareness is the foundation of transformation.

"Sometimes when we’re thinking, we don’t recognize how we’re not taking care of ourselves because we have this limited view of what self-care looks like," she explains. "We have a very limited view of what self-love looks like."

A client might insist they love themselves, but their actions demonstrate otherwise. The audit helps reveal the disconnection between what you believe about yourself and how you actually treat yourself.

"This self-care audit allows you to see all the different ways that self-care shows up. You get to answer some powerful questions and see how you’re actually doing with your self-care."

The Controversial Book

Avalaura’s book, "Girl, Live Your Effing Life," faced resistance from traditional publishers.

"The title provokes a certain something," she says. "People who get it, they get it. They’re like, 'Oh my God, girl, yes, I love it.' And then you kind of have the church crew, they’re like, 'Oh my God, the language.'"

But the message is simple: "It’s about self-love. It’s about self-care. It’s about saying F everybody else, it’s finally my time to take care of me. And what could be so wrong with that?"

The controversy reflects a deeper issue: "Women owning their power. Women saying, 'That’s enough already. Yes, you are important to me. I have all of these roles—mother, wife, businesswoman, caretaker—I’m finally going to put myself first because I am the most important thing. Because if I don’t put me first, all these other things sink. All these other things fail.' Sadly, that’s still a very revolutionary thing for women to say: I have to take care of me first."

Your Next Step

Avalaura’s closing advice is simple but powerful: "Don’t get overwhelmed by what you heard, but whatever resonated with you, take action. Do something about it. Take that next step, even if it’s just one little thing. Just do something to take that next step to where you wanna be."

Listen to the full episode of Sex Reimagined Podcast with Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown for this complete conversation about feminine energy, sexual empowerment, intuitive healing, and the courage it takes to prioritize yourself.

The whisper of your spirit knows exactly what you need. The question is—are you finally ready to listen?

Listen to Episode #160 of Sex Reimagined Podcast now on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you stream podcasts.

EPISODE LINKS:

• Avalaura's Website
• Free Gift | Self Care Audit
• Avalaura Book | Girl, Live Your Effing Life
• Avalaura's Instagram

feminine energy, burnout recovery, sexual intimacy, self-care, Avalaura Gaither, Sex Reimagined Podcast, work-life balance, intuitive healing, women's empowerment, Leah Piper, Dr. Willow Brown