Men Vs Women | Briana Bass: The #1 Reason Couples Fight About Sex (And How To Fix It) | #162
The Night She Finally Said It Out Loud: "I Don't Want You Anymore"
How a Former Corporate VP Discovered Why High-Achieving Couples Stop Having Sex (And What Actually Fixes It)
*She was sitting across from him at dinner—their favorite restaurant, the one where he proposed seven years ago. The candles flickered. The wine was perfect. And she felt... absolutely nothing.*
*"I think we should talk," she finally said.*
*He knew what was coming. They'd been orbiting around each other for months, maybe years. Polite roommates managing a household, raising kids, building careers. Everything looked perfect from the outside.*
*But the spark? Gone. The desire? Vanished. The intimacy? A distant memory of who they used to be.*
Sound familiar?
If you've ever looked at your partner and wondered where the passion went—or if you're the one being rejected night after night, wondering what you did wrong—this conversation will change everything you think you know about intimacy.
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FULL AUDIO EPISODE HERE 🎧
FULL VIDEO EPISODE HERE 🎥
The Boardroom Secret That Unlocked Better Sex
Briana Bass wasn’t supposed to become a sex therapist.
She was supposed to keep climbing. Senior Vice President. Corner office. Seven-figure salary. The American Dream, right?
But something was rotting beneath the surface of all those success stories. In boardrooms and conference calls, she watched high-functioning people—people who had "made it"—slowly dying inside. Brilliant professionals who could negotiate million-dollar deals but couldn’t tell their spouse they felt lonely. Executives who commanded respect at work but felt invisible at home.
The cognitive dissonance was suffocating.
So Briana did the unthinkable: She jumped ship. After years of climbing the corporate ladder, she returned to her roots in psychology and became a board-certified sexologist and therapist specializing in exactly the kind of people she used to work alongside.
And what she discovered in her practice shocked her.
In this raw, no-BS conversation on the Sex Reimagined Podcast with hosts Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown, Briana reveals the hidden patterns destroying intimacy in successful couples—and the science-backed solutions that actually work.
Why Your Brain is Sabotaging Your Sex Life
Here’s what nobody tells you when you’re drunk on new relationship energy:
That effortless, can’t-keep-your-hands-off-each-other phase? It’s a neurochemical con job.
"In the beginning, sex feels more effortless because of novelty," Briana explains. "Your brain floods you with dopamine, norepinephrine, oxytocin—all these neurotransmitters are firing. But when that novelty and newness is removed, those things really, really taper down."
Translation: You're not broken. Your relationship isn't dying. Your brain chemistry just changed.
The problem? Most couples interpret this biological shift as evidence that something is fundamentally wrong. She thinks she’s fallen out of love. He thinks she doesn’t find him attractive anymore. They both panic.
And the panic makes everything worse.
The Connection Paradox That’s Destroying Your Bedroom
Here’s where it gets messy:
"Men have sex to feel connected. Women have sex when they feel connected."
Read that again.
This single misunderstanding creates a toxic loop that plays out in millions of bedrooms every night:
- The Fight: They argue about something—money, kids, her mother, his work schedule, whatever.
- His Response: He reaches for her later that night. In his brain, this is a peace offering. Let me reconnect with you. Let me show you I love you. Let me make this better.
- Her Response: Complete rejection. Are you kidding me right now? We just fought. You think I want to have sex with you when I’m still angry?
- His Interpretation: She doesn’t want me. I’m not enough. What’s wrong with me?
- Her Interpretation: He just wants to use my body. He doesn’t actually care about fixing the problem. I’m just a piece of meat to him.
Neither interpretation is true. But both feel devastatingly real.
"I've had men literally bring their wives in and ask, 'Can you fix her?'" Briana admits.
The real issue? They're speaking different intimacy languages—and nobody gave them a translation guide.
The 8 Forms of Intimacy Framework: Your Missing Roadmap
Here’s what changed everything for Briana’s clients:
Stop trying to fix your sex life by focusing on sex.
Instead, invest in these 7 other forms of intimacy, and watch what happens:
- Emotional Intimacy: Sharing vulnerability without your partner trying to solve it. When she says, "I felt like an impostor at work today," you don’t say, "You should study more." You say, "That sounds awful. I’ve felt that way too."
- Intellectual Intimacy: Connecting over ideas, not just logistics. Talk about the podcast you listened to, the article that blew your mind, your personal take on something meaningful.
- Dreaming Together: Shared goals and future planning. Where do we want to travel next year? What does retirement look like? What legacy do we want to build?
- Experiential Intimacy: Creating memories through shared activities. Taking a cooking class together. Going to the gym. Even watching TV mindfully instead of just staring at screens in silence.
- Spiritual Intimacy: Connecting on existential questions, shared values, or practices that make you feel part of something bigger—whether that’s church, nature walks, or deep conversations about meaning.
- Creative Intimacy: Building and creating together. Planning a party. Redecorating a room. Working on a project. Cooking a meal as a team.
- Physical Intimacy (Non-Sexual): Touch without expectation. Hand-holding. Hugs. Massage. Cuddling on the couch.
- Sexual Intimacy: When you invest in the other seven? This one often fixes itself.
WATCH, LISTEN, OR DISCOVER LINKS & RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE CAN BE FOUND HERE
The Surprising Research That Changes Everything
Briana cites a study that looked at couples across all backgrounds and age ranges, comparing those having great sex versus those who weren’t.
The #1 common denominator?
Not toys. Not frequency. Not technique or variety.
It was the ability to talk openly and comfortably about sex.
"Every time I ask couples about their conversations around sex, they're very clunky. It feels taboo. They squirm," Briana says.
But here’s the beautiful part: Just talking about sex—even awkwardly—improves your sex life.
You don't even have to act on the conversation. The vulnerability itself creates connection.
Conversation Starters That Actually Work
Feeling stuck? Try these questions tonight:
- "What was your first sexual experience like? Did you enjoy it?"
- "What did your parents teach you about sex? What happened if a sex scene came on TV?"
- "What music video turned you on as a teenager?"
These questions feel low-stakes and even fun—but they reveal everything about how your partner learned to think about intimacy, pleasure, shame, and desire.
When Infidelity Shatters Everything
One of the most powerful moments in the conversation comes when Briana addresses recovering from cheating.
"It’s hard because you want to just emphasize the 'victim,' right? The person who was cheated on," she explains. "But we also have to focus on the cheater—because they got there for some reason."
This isn’t about making excuses. It’s about understanding the origin story:
"I felt like a loser in my house. I felt insecure. My masculinity was being questioned. I didn’t feel desired. And then there was this person who made me feel seen."
To rebuild, couples need:
- Controlled conversations about the pain the betrayal caused
- Non-judgmental listening about how the cheating partner got there
- Boundary-setting discussions: Phone passwords? Location sharing? What does safety look like now?
- Rebuilding through the 7 other forms of intimacy before attempting sexual reconnection
Emotionally Focused Therapy: For People Who Live in Their Heads
If you’re a high-achiever, Type A, intellectually-driven person who hears "How do you feel?" and wants to scream—this section is for you.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is Briana’s secret weapon for clients who say, "I don’t feel anything. I don’t know what you’re talking about."
Instead of asking about feelings directly, EFT uses a different approach:
- "What would it mean if you got that promotion?" "I'd make more money."
- "What would it mean to make more money?" "I could take that trip."
- "What would it mean to take that trip?" "I'd feel accomplished."
- "What would accomplishment mean?" "Someone would finally want to date me. I'd be likable enough."
There it is.
The core fear: "I have to earn likability. I'm not inherently enough."
Once you identify that foundational layer, real healing can begin.
The Wisdom That Landed Like a Gut Punch
At the end of the conversation, Leah asks Briana for final words of wisdom.
Her answer is simple:
"Go to therapy. Even if you're not in crisis."
"I was in therapy for three or four years," Briana shares. "You might come in for a crisis, but you have decades of life before that crisis—patterns and deep-seated things. This journey of life throws you lemons on a week-to-week basis. And some of these voices in our head have been there for 30, 40 years."
High-functioning people are often a "forgotten class" in therapy because they look fine from the outside. The house isn’t on fire. There’s no dramatic trauma.
But they’re suffering. Quietly. Silently. Perfectly.
The Invitation
If you’ve read this far, something in this story resonated.
Maybe it’s the sexless marriage you’re white-knuckling through.
Maybe it’s the intimacy you’re desperately craving but don’t know how to ask for.
Maybe it’s the pattern you keep repeating—the same fight, different day—and you’re exhausted.
You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Listen to the full conversation between Briana Bass, Leah Piper, and Dr. Willow Brown on the Sex Reimagined Podcast. Get the complete 8 Forms of Intimacy framework. Hear the live EFT demonstration. Understand the neuroscience behind your disconnection.
And most importantly: Stop blaming yourself or your partner for something that’s actually just biology doing what biology does.
Key Takeaways:
- ✅ Decreased sexual desire in long-term relationships is neurochemically normal—not a sign you’re broken
- ✅ The 8 Forms of Intimacy Framework provides a roadmap for reconnection beyond just sex
- ✅ Men and women often approach sex differently: men connect through sex, women need connection first
- ✅ The #1 predictor of great sex is open communication about sex—not toys, techniques, or frequency
- ✅ Emotionally Focused Therapy helps intellectually-driven people access emotions by asking "What would that mean?"
- ✅ Therapy before crisis is the secret of thriving couples, not just struggling ones
🎧 Sex Reimagined Podcast - Available on all streaming platforms
Hosts:
- Leah Piper - Tantric Sex Master Coach & Positive Psychology Facilitator
- Dr. Willow Brown - Chinese Medicine Doctor & Taoist Sexology Teacher
Your intimacy matters. Your connection matters. You deserve a relationship that feels alive.
💬 What resonated most with you? Which of the 8 forms of intimacy do you need to work on? Share in the comments below.
Related Topics: relationship intimacy, couples therapy, sex therapy, long-term relationship problems, emotional intimacy exercises, sexless marriage solutions, infidelity recovery, emotionally focused therapy, high achievers therapy, relationship communication skills
#RelationshipIntimacy #CouplesTherapy #SexTherapy #EmotionalIntimacy #SexlessMarriage #IntimacyIssues #MarriageHelp #BrianaBass #SexReimagined
EPISODE LINKS:
relationship intimacy, couples therapy, sex therapy, emotional intimacy exercises, sexless marriage solutions, Briana Bass, Sex Reimagined Podcast
