#70 - Stefani Goerich: Minding the Pleasure Gap: Bridging Kinky & Vanilla Sex
Stefani Goerlich, professor, author of “Sprinkles,” & a sex therapist, discusses her journey into the field of sexuality, working with students & patients. In this conversation, Stefani Goerlich discusses that while kink & BDSM have become more mainstream in recent years, many "vanilla" people still find the concept off-putting or disturbing. However, consensual exploration of power dynamics & erotic psychology can profoundly deepen intimate connections in relationships. She shares a powerful story of helping a couple navigate the difference between consensual kink & abuse.
- Understanding what is normal and healthy in relationships requires unlearning societal biases.
- Consensual kink and BDSM can be misunderstood and stigmatized, but it is important to differentiate between consensual kink and abuse.
- Maintaining boundaries as a sex therapist is crucial to ensure the therapeutic relationship is not influenced by personal experiences or biases.
- Exploring & striving to understand each person’s erotic identity is important for couples with differing desire levels.
- When couples want to open their relationship, clarifying their motivations is important.
- Partners supporting someone with trauma should reframe their role as holding space and providing support.
1:50 Introduction and Guest Presentation
1:58 Introducing Stefani Goerlich
2:43 Beginning of the Interview with Stefani Gorelick
3:33 Stefani's Journey into Sexuality Business
5:05 Stefani's Teaching Experience and Challenges Faced by Students
6:16 Understanding 'Normal' in Sexuality and Relationships
10:21 The Importance of Boundaries and Understanding Personal Limits
13:12 Stefani's Specialization in Kink and BDSM
20:45 The Thin Line Between Consensual Kink and Abuse
26:23 Personal Preferences and Boundaries in Kink
31:17 Exploring the Power of Words in Intimate Relationships
31:59 Understanding the Psychological Impact of Name Calling
33:47 Introducing 'Sprinkles': A Guide for Kink and Vanilla Partners
36:10 The Importance of Focusing on the 'Vanilla' Person in a Relationship
37:59 Addressing the Challenges of Mixed Desire Couples
40:14 The Role of a Kink-Affirming Sex Therapist in Relationship Dynamics
41:20 Exploring the Book 'Sprinkles' and Its Availability
41:49 Discussing the Scope of Stefani's Work and Expertise
44:05 Navigating Relationship Changes: From Monogamy to Non-Monogamy
49:19 Closing Thoughts and Contact Information
50:35 The Dish with Leah & Dr. Willow
53:49 The Importance of Perspective in Relationship Dynamics
- Stefani's Podcast - Securing Sexuality
- Stefani's - Securing Sexuality Conference
- Stefani's - Counseling Services
- Stefani's Book - The Leather Couch
- Stefani's Book - Sprinkles on Top
- Stefani's Book - Kink Affirming Practice
- Download the Duluth Model Wheel of Power and Control
Leah & Willow's King & Queen of Hearts Intimacy Toolkit is on sale. Use Coupon Code KINGANDQUEEN10 for 10% off. https://www.sexreimagined.com/the-king-and-queen-of-hearts
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