Anal with Amy Baldwin
Leah: All right, we've got a special episode for you today. Now, I want to warn you, we did not get this one on video. Too many angles to try to navigate. So this is gonna be on audio only, but we want you to know we had such a good time with the lovely Amy Baldwin co-host of the Shameless Sex Podcast.
Willow: Yeah, it was such a pleasure. We got to do it in person, which is why it's not on film. And it was just so fun sitting with Amy, she took her shirt off. She got comfortable. Yeah.
Leah: She took her pants off. Huh?
Willow: She took her pants off too. It was a hot day. We were all hot talking about a lot of hot things, so...
Leah: A lot of hot things.
Willow: But Amy Baldwin is really just such an incredible woman and such a gift to this whole industry. She is a sex and relationship coach, a sex educator, co-owner of mother and daughter owned online Pleasure boutique, Pure Pleasure Shop and co-host of Shameless Sex, as Leah just said. She has a passion for promoting shame-free, pleasure focused, sexuality education, while emphasizing the deep, emotional, and energetic forces behind great sex, an intimate connection.
Willow: So you can learn more about her at ShamelessSex.com
Leah: I first met Amy when I was living in Santa Cruz and when her mom Janice and her owned the Pure Pleasure Shop as a brick and mortar store. Now they have since sold that to Good Vibrations, but they still have the online store. And by the way, stay tuned because we will give you an awesome coupon code to do some shopping with a Pure Pleasure Shop at the end of the episode.
Leah: But it was great. Myself and Charles Muir from Source School of Tantra Yoga. We did classes there, probably like two hour classes I think every month, sometimes every other month. And they were so lovely. And you've known Amy for quite some time. When did you first meet Amy?
Willow: Well, it was actually funny a whole bunch of community members in town were like, "You and Amy really need to meet." Keep saying that, like four or five different people. And then it was April actually from Shameless Sex that I connected with first because she was dating a friend of mine.
Willow: So that got linked up. And then, I got swooped into their podcast the first year they did it. I think I was on their podcast in year one, year two, year three, skipped year four, and then we got to be on their fifth year. So, yeah, it's just been kind of a slow rolling, ongoing relationship building. It feels like it's in a really sweet place now, with both of them.
Leah: Yeah. So I want to encourage everyone to go check out Willow's episodes on the ShamelessSex.Com website. Or you can go to wherever podcasts are aired, any of your favorite apps, and look up Willow's episodes. And we, if you want to hear Willow and I, were just featured on their podcast the second week of August, 2022, where we talked about Transcendent Orgasms and Ooh, cervical orgasms.
Willow: It was so fun.
Leah: So much fun.
Willow: That's why we got so hot. We took our clothes off.
Leah: Tune into that. And please, if you like those episodes, "Like, and Comment and Share". Be a good friend.
Leah: And now this episode we do want everyone to know this is all about anal pleasure. We are really committed to normalizing the truth of orgasmic possibilities and demystifying it. It's wonderful that it can still be taboo and kind of kinky. But we want people to be really less afraid and less prejudiced around the whole butt play life.
Leah: But if that is something that could be triggering for you, this is a trigger warning.
Willow: Yep. And you know, Amy really normalizes it makes it really user friendly and just the way she speaks to it is, it's just what it is. Some people are up for it and some people are not. And there's no judgment either way.
Willow: It's a personal choice. So if it's curious to you, if it peaks your curiosity, I think you're gonna love this episode.
we're gonna see the inside. Love, love, love.
SxR Announcer: Welcome to the Sex Reimagined podcast, where sex is shame free and pleasure forward. Let's get into the show.
[00:04:21] Welcome Amy
Leah: Well, I would say welcome Amy Baldwin, but we're at your house. We're at the shameless sex studio. And what a treat to visit with you and talk about Anal August.
Anal Amy
Willow: Anal Amy.
Happy to be here, and so happy to have you in the studio we just recorded with you all on our podcast.
Amy: And Willow, you've been on our podcast like three or four times now. Leah, well, you two are probably gonna come back every three to four months now, so...
Leah: yay.
Amy: But yeah, we're in our studio, but it's your show, so I'm just gonna chill and talk when you tell me to.
Leah: Yeah. All right, good. Well, let's get started. I'm really curious, what do you recommend for someone who wants anal, and they're afraid, but they want to be adventurous. They want to be a team player.
Willow: You mean like their partner wants them to have anal and they're like, "Hmm, I'm not so sure about that. I'm kind of curious, but I'm not really that interested."
Leah: Well, they might be afraid, but they're willing to give it a shot. You know, but maybe they've had an experience where it kind of hurts. So if they were gonna walk into Pure Pleasure Shop online, what advice do you have for someone who's just starting out?
Amy: Yes. The wonderful world of anal.
Amy: Well, I'll start with my story with anal because I personally like my story about anal. Because it's an unusual one.
[00:05:43] Most People Have a Negative First Time with Anal
Amy: So I think a lot of people either have a really negative first experience, where they didn't sign up for it, or it accidentally slips in. And a lot of people choose it too. So it's not the only way it happens, but especially for vulva owners, right. If you're having a lot of, well lubed sex and all of a sudden with a cock or a dildo, and then all of a sudden it slips into the wrong hole. And then you're like, Ow! -It feels like someone punched you in the stomach.
Amy: So, that is not going to make someone want to have anal sex. The other thing is if there was someone who just started to touch you in the anal region without your permission, without the adequate warmup and lube. And we can talk about all of those things or in a way that was not consensual.
Amy: Also a lot of people go to the doctor and get anal exams and they think that must be what anal sex feels like. But the doctor's job is not to pleasure you. That is an ethical issue. I mean, well, that'd be kind of cool if it was. But anyways, tangent.
[00:06:33] Amy's Genesis Story & Her First Time Trying Anal
Amy: So for myself, I'm 37 now. I've been in the human sexuality field. I'd say I'd started since 18, meaning that's when I decided I wanted to go in this direction as a sex educator, sex and relationship coach, sex podcaster of shameless sex. And so many other hats in human sexuality. I will start with when I was 17. And I'm someone who mostly is intimate with penis owning cis men or then it would be boys. And so I think I first saw penetrated sex when I was 16. I had known about the concept of anal sex. I was someone that at the age of 10 was turned on by rape fantasies after watching Episode Melrose Place and saw a rape scene and I was really turned on, and I've never been raped.
Amy: I don't have any, history of acts of non-consensual, sexual violence. I have plenty of, you know, tolerant sex, where I didn't speak up for myself when it didn't feel good. And so anal sex and, and kink, I'm not gonna put them in the same category. And yet there was something about it that kind of got linked in my brain a little bit.
Amy: I don't think that scene I saw was an anal sex scene. But when I was 17 and probably having penetrative sex with, my third partner, maybe fourth, I think third, I don't know, whatever, whoever you are. We were having sex and penetrative sex, so vaginal, penis and vagina.
Amy: And I'm the one who just took his cock and put it in my own ass. I didn't get consent or permission, I just wanted to try this. And I'm only 17 and I don't know how to ask for this or talk about it. And I don't know a lot about it. So I directed this. And I'm not telling people to do this, by the way, I'm really big on consent. You know, 17 year old Amy I wish she would've been like, "Hey, guess what? Here's this thing that I heard of that can be fun or exciting or pleasurable, or is really taboo to me. Turns me on, I want to try it."
Amy: Instead, I was like, I'm just gonna put this here. And then of course he... not of course, because not everyone's into it. I've actually had partners who don't want to do anal sex too.
Leah: Absolutely.
Amy: I've had plenty of 'em. Like, "Nope, exit only zone". I can go out on a tangent about
Leah: ... How did you break up with them?
Amy: Yeah. We lasted two years and I was like, "you just took a whole orifice off the table". Anyways, but that's just me.
Amy: Everyone's entitled to their own thing. But anyways, so he went along with it and then after, I think he was like, "that was surprising."
Amy: I was like, yeah, it was a combination of hot, taboo, exciting different. And we can talk about the difference between discomfort and pain for anal. Cause I think that's really important. But it's like discomfort and pleasure and pain kind of hang out together and can become one.
Amy: And in that scenario even if I had a little pain, and I can talk about how to avoid the pain part and how anal sex really, ideally, shouldn't be painful. And anyways, so from there, it's always been something that just turns me on.
Amy: Like if I watched porn, I'm going to the anal scene. I'm looking for anal porn and if there's a scene that has 45 minutes I'm gonna go right to the anal scene. I want to see the insertion into the ass, the movement in the ass. And that's just something that turns me on.
Willow: Now, that first experience. Did you have an orgasm?
Amy: I did not. I didn't have orgasms at all until I was 18 and my first orgasm was with a vibrator.
Amy: So I had penetrated sex by that point with four to five people and never had an orgasm, until I bought a clitorial vibrator here in Santa Cruz at Camouflage actually. At 18 and finally had my first orgasm and squirted too. I'm like, wow. Wow. On my own.
Willow: All at once?
Leah: That's wild, Fun!
Amy: My mom's squirter, my grandma's a squirter..
Willow: You come from a long line of squirting ladies.
Amy: Lineage of squirters. I dunno how they all feel about anal, but... yeah. And I just want to say, and I'll stop talking with anal sex, and this doesn't exactly answer your question, Leah.
[00:10:17] Not Everyone Has to Like Anal Sex
Amy: Which I guess I can get back to the point is, not everyone has to like anal sex. Even if you try it, and you kind of like it, it might not be your jam.
Amy: Like, I don't do anal sex all the time. I like anal sex.
Willow: Right.
Amy: It's like a bonus thing in my life. Where-
Willow: -it's a cherry on top.
Amy: -Cherry on top. You know, my current relationship, there's often, you know, either a mouths, or fingers, or toys with the ass. Like, you know, maybe like once a week, maybe twice a week, who knows? And then penetrative anal sex, maybe like twice a month. In my last relationship, it was like every six months. So it's something that I enjoy and I'm passionate about. It's a big part of my sexual play, but it is not like, that's all I do.
Willow: Right.
Amy: And it doesn't have to be for anyone, everyone. So I did not answer your question at all, Leah.
Leah: No, but it's great, it's a great background. It's a great way to kind of lean into this process.
[00:11:12] Leah Learns She Was Way Wrong About Anal Pleasure for Women
Leah: A colleague of mine used to always talk about, there were three kinds of people and it was either; 1 ) "You never tried it, you never will." 2 ) "You tried it, didn't like it, it hurt, you'll never do it again." Or 3 ) "You tried it, you liked it."
Amy: Yeah.
Leah: You know, and I have been all three. And it was, for me, a really long process of it actually getting comfortable. And my experience was more related to some memories that started to resurface around nonconsensual play to that part of my body when I was a kid.
Amy: Yeah.
Leah: And so I remember that partners would start to just go for it and I'd had a really strong reaction.
Amy: Yeah.
Leah: I'd be really upset about it. And pull back and almost shame them. Like, "how could you, and what are you doing?"
I had not a lot of education or awareness about this part of the body and that could even be pleasurable. So it wasn't until I started studying Tantra when I met other women who said, "oh no, I like my ass." And I thought, "oh, this isn't a lie?" Because in my more uneducated, underexposed experience, up until that point was, I thought it was all fake.
Leah: I thought it was in porn, but it was all fake, and no one liked it. I just didn't understand it. No one talked about it. It wasn't a part of my culture. And so it was really revolutionary. To find out that we are all capable of outrageous pleasure here if we want it, if we can relax into it, and if we want to pursue it.
Leah: And it was difficult. It was really challenging, but I was tenacious as hell because I thought if that bitch can have it, then so can I.
Willow: Yeah, I mean, some people only have anal orgasms, like they don't have orgasms vaginally.
Leah: Or clitoraly very much.
Willow: -or clitoraly, yeah. So it's a really, it's this untapped source of pleasure in the pelvic floor and it's really the other half of the pelvic floor.
[00:13:15] Willow's Work with Pelvic Floor Release and Her First Anal Experience
Willow: You know, doing a lot of pelvic floor work on women, I have been getting more into doing anal to release that other side of things. I mean, you think about the sacrum, the sacred bone, that pyramid shaped bone that connects us to earth essence. If there is contusion or there is, you know, trauma, or floating tailbone, I mean, all kinds of things that can get lodged and stuck in there. Then what do you have? You got a tight ass. And then you try to have anal sex & it's not gonna feel good. Similar to what we were talking about with the opening of the cervix, you know, it's this very small little opening and it likes to be coaxed, it likes to be moved slow.
Willow: I do remember my very first anal-gasm. I felt like, "oh my God, I did it!" You know, it was such an empowering moment, you know?
Willow: Because I have always had anal fisher, right? So I am curious what you would say to people who are either dealing with anal fissures or hemorrhoids?
Amy: We did an episode specifically on that because we wanted to bring in pelvic floor specialists who are generally MDs of some sort who work with people. So I wouldn't call myself an expert with hemorrhoids, but two key things here with what you were saying.
[00:14:32] Amy Addresses Porn.
Amy: Number one, we don't learn about anal from porn, for sure. What we see in porn is sensationalized. It's quick, it's fast. And this applies to everything from vaginal sex to threesomes, to, you know, all kinds of things. They move very quickly. They don't show you that the porn star performer, you know, I think a lot of them want to be club performers these days. And they are, they're like athletes. They are well trained. And they also don't show you-
Leah: the editing?
Amy: Yeah. Yes, exactly. They are well trained and with the editing, but also, you know, a lot of them are wearing butt plugs for a long period of time in order to relax their asses. There's a lot of lube. They're not showing you the application of that. I personally don't feel that skilled in commenting on medical issues. Whether it's fissures, tears, or hemorrhoids.
Amy: And what I would say is to go as slow as possible. And this applies to all anal though.
Amy: Again, not what you see in porn. You know, people watch that and all of a sudden it's just jammed right in. They're thrusting really hard and you're like, my ass doesn't work that way. And as someone who has a fair amount of anal sex, some days my ass actually does work that way. Some days my ass is just like, "whoa, come on in. I'm ready." but I'm the one advocating and in control. I forgot who I learned this from... Because, you know, owning pure pleasure, which used to be a brick and mortar, now it's PurePleasureShop.com online, it's not just a sex shop either, I own it with my mom, go check it out. And Leah used to teach there in person when we were the brick and mortar.
Amy: I would take sex ed classes every week. And so I can't say exactly where I learned this from cause I took so many different anal sex classes from so many different educators. But, and I want to say it was Midori maybe, but I could be wrong. And Midori was talking about, kind of similar to what you two were talking about on our show, about the cervical orgasm, having the receiver or person being penetrated, be in charge of the movement.
Amy: So if you're newer to anal sex, you know, we see it in Porn usually like some doggy style position, which also isn't generally the shape of the ass by the way.
Leah: Yeah. Like or reverse cowgirl.
Amy: Yeah. Yeah. They're like some weird positions. You're like, this is not...? Although the ass is confusing because you have an anal canal that goes in and then it kind of goes up one way and then goes another way. So it's a confusing thing.
[00:16:36] New to Anal? Listen to Your Body and Follow these Tips.
Amy: But what I have found is to actually be the one in control.Because it's the universal orifice. You can have a cock, you can have vulva. That's right. You can have all the inbetweens, whatever bits you have.
Willow: Everyone's got an asshole.
Amy: Everyone's got an asshole, that's right. And if you want to start with it, what I would say is, you are in charge. So the person who has the dildo or the strap onor the cock they actually are the ones laying down on their back and you facing them in kind of a missionary, but like perpendicular position, are squatting over them and making your way onto their dildo or cock slowly and taking lot of breaths. But it's at your time it might take five minutes.
Willow: Five minutes for penetration, right?
Amy: To get the whole thing in. And, it takes the bottom to not move. And if they move, one thing I love to do, consensually, is to shove their shoulders down with the hand and say, "Don't you fucking move." but in a kinda hot way. Like I'm in control right now, but they have to consent to that.
Amy: And then, I'm kind of going backwards because there's a lot that happens before that step in terms of fingers, mouths, toys. I can talk about lube especially.
Amy: But when you're on the dildo, cock, then again you start moving at your pace. They're not the one thrusting or fucking you until you say, "fuck me" or "thrust me" or "make love to me", or whatever your terminology is.
Squatting can be on your feet, but more comfortable on your legs or knees, or on all fours. And you are moving your body at your speed until you feel your ass open up more and say, "now I'm ready for more." Harder, faster, different position now. All of a sudden it's open and we can be upside down and doing all these other things. But you listen to your body and are in control because it's your body that's receiving.
Willow: Uhhuh, yeah, there's a whole world of anal sex to explore. If you haven't explored it. Amy, thank you for opening this doorway for me right now.
Amy: It's the back door I'm opening for you.
Willow: Open that back door. Definitely, because, you know, I've had partners along the way who wanted it so bad. It just made me want to pull away from it. It made me less interested.
Leah: Yeah.
Amy: Back to Leah's first question. Queen of tangents, yes. And in that sense, you know, it's our bodies ultimately. So anything that we do that's just to please someone else, in my opinion, oftentimes isn't going to go that well. There has to be some negotiation or leaning in, in a way that feels good for us.
[00:19:03] Make Clear Agreements
Amy: So if I have a hard no to penetrative anal sex, or I'll think of an ex partner that I had. Who was a hard note to anal sex, meaning using their cock, fingers, or mouth on my ass. They were a hard no to that. I can't push or convince them of that. I can say, you know, this feels pretty important to me, but at that point in my life, it really wasn't.
And I actually can't a hundred percent say, if it was completely off the table now, if that would be a deal breaker for me?
Leah: Sure.
Amy: For some people it might though. For some people, if they're like, "I need anal on the table." But I would get into that conversation way before you get in the relationship
Leah: Well, yeah. I think that there's a way to say, "Would you be willing to be influenceable for a moment and just hear why it's meaningful to me?" Or why I enjoy it, or "Can I explore this with you a little bit?" You know, and try to describe if you can, and I know talking about this stuff can be hard for a lot of people. Doesn't always come very easy. And there's a lot of vulnerability because people can shame other people for their desires. And so, just because your partner has a desire, doesn't obligate you to fulfill that desire. But it's such a beautiful thing to create a space that makes it safe for your partner to speak their desire.
Willow: And to celebrate their desire. Yeah.
Leah: "I don't know that I'll ever try that. But I like that you felt safe and open enough to share that with me."
[00:20:21] Numbing Agents - What You Need to Know
Willow: Yeah. So let's talk size for a second.
Amy: Yes. Size, yes the ass can fit a lot, but Yes. Ask me your question.
Willow: I don't know. Just like, you know, I think there's...
Leah: well, size of the asshole compared to size of the penetrating...
Willow: -yeah. And there's a fear, like if a guy's got a really huge-
Amy: He's gonna loosen you up forever?
Willow: Yeah, and that it would give you hemorrhoids, or fishers, or you know...
Amy: Here's why we don't recommend anything numbing at Pure Pleasure, on Shameless Sex, we don't want anything numbing for the asshole, for the pussy. We don't want anything numbing for the back of your throat for oral sex.
Willow: You mean like a numbing cream?
Amy: Something that makes it so that you don't feel as much, because it's really important for you feel. And you need to feel one, like what's the whole point? Aren't we trying to feel good things? Or maybe pain feels good to you, so maybe that's your jam. But also you need to feel if there's pain, because that's what causes the fishers.
Willow: Right.
Amy: That's what can cause the issues in hemorrhoids and various things is when we go too far and now you have a physical issue because you either didn't actually feel it, or you didn't advocate for it. And so in that sense, that's when we have to really slow down, sometimes stop altogether. And especially with anal, like, you have to have lube. I'm sorry. Some people are like, "I don't need it. You know, my pussy's just so juicy. It just drips all over." you're awesome. But don't ruin it for the rest of us because most of us need it.
[00:21:40] Amy's Favorite Lube
Amy: Because the ass doesn't lubricate itself and saliva only goes so far. So I'm a huge fan of Uber Lube it's silicone and because it lasts a long time.
[00:21:48] Let's Talk Size
Amy: So size-wise though, with asses, I mean, you can get whole fists in people's asses, right? There is an art of anal fisting. I do not know it. I've never experienced it. I've never actually been to an anal fisting workshop. I've seen vaginal fisting workshops. Yeah, they're quite fascinating.
Willow: I'm sure.
Leah: I know someone who can drop up a diagram for you. Just to help you with anal fisting. Actually, it's really neat.
Amy: It's amazing.
Leah: It's powerful.
Amy: I mean, I've read stories of people getting up to, like, parts of their forearm all the way up in there. We're doing this hand move, you can't see, but it's almost like a little duck. Quack, quack, like a beak. Yeah, like a beak.
Willow: With fingers.
Amy: So when we're talking about size, or if you go to a sex shop, you'll see all these dildos on the wall, and there's some dildos that are, you know, like 1.5 inches thick and they're five inches long. And then there's some, they're like two inches thick and they're seven inches long.
Amy: And then you'll see these ones that you're like, that's impossible. They do sell. I'm talking like five inches thick and like the size of, you know, the length of my forearm. And I think people purchase them and there are people that do play around with them. Do I think asses can get anything in them? No, because we have bones and things in the way.
Leah: No, but it's very elastic.
Willow: Very stretchable. And so would you also recommend like butt plugs to help to open and dilate along the way?
[00:23:12] Amy Gives Us the Anal Protocol
Amy: I'm a huge fan of order of operations.
Willow: Give us the protocol.
Amy: Yes. Specifically like what we talked about with you on our show. We're dealing with the whole person first. Of course. The whole body. The whole body. Also what we spoke about, we were talking about cervical orgasms on our show, get the person aroused first. Right. And before you're going into anal land or cervical land or internal anything, basically. Right. So go into an arousal state. So, in the connection with the whole person creates safety and relaxation. And then arousal creates more relaxation and then more opening.
Amy: And then definitely having lube. And I would start with the order of operations. One well lubed finger externally, kind of just like what y'all probably talk about in the vulva.
[00:23:58] Stillness Before Penetration
Amy: Just letting it rest there on the entrance of the anus and not even moving, maybe for 15 seconds, 30 seconds.
Leah: The pointy finger tip, but like the pad of the finger.
Amy: No creepy pointy pokey finger. The suction is sucking the point in, it's different than you poking the point in.
Amy: Yeah. And the ass is a little different from the vaginal canal. You do need to maybe add a little more pressure for the insertion part. It's less likely to suction you in like a pussy will.
[00:24:24] Fingernails Should Be Smooth and Clean
Amy: But so well trimmed finger, letting it rest. Then maybe massaging your-
Leah: -fingernail.
Amy: -Yeah, fingernail on the finger. Cut your finger off. Yeah, fingernail.
Leah: A nub will do.
Amy: And then lube. And then massaging in like some sort of circular, slower than slow motion. So just warming up the asshole this is still anus, this is an external part.
[00:24:44] Never Skip the Lube & Where to Apply It.
Amy: And then when it comes to insertion, I would add lube to that entire finger and to the anus. So now we have both sides well lubed.
Amy: And when it comes to insertion one, like you all said, ask your partner, "are you ready for my finger to go inside of you?"
Amy: And if you get a yes, then you would be slowly pressing it in. But paying attention to the sphincter muscle as it relaxes, and you can feel it.
[00:25:09] Word to The Wise - Do Your Own Ass
Amy: And if anyone wants to know what this is like, go home and try this in your own ass.
Leah: That's right. Yes. If you want to be good at ass play at giving ass play- do you. Because then you'll really have the felt sense, you'll have the muscle memory, and the feeling of pressure, and speed, and depth, and shallowness, and curves, and circles, and arcs, and there's so many little micro-movement techniques that will improve the experience for both yourself and your partner. I think that's such a critical piece of advice is if you want to know what it feels like to someone else, do your own.
Amy: And y'all, everyone has it, right? So we can do the same thing, well lubed finger with your own ass. Get yourself aroused. Pamper you. And actually maybe try it without pampering yourself first too. See what that feels like. Yeah, yeah. Just don't hurt yourself please.
[00:25:55] Sphincter Muscles
Dr. Nancy: You're just into a hug. You're putting your hands on his face. His hands are on yours. He's doing an air kiss and even an angel hug, but it's beginning to touch in a Neutral way where you're connecting. Why? Because you've got to get into the body. And, women have trouble. So you wanna get her in, and you wanna be in yours, and it feels good. This is a wonderful way to come in too.
[00:26:50] Why You Should Only Buy Anal Toys with a Flared Base
Amy: Yes. Well, but that safety thing must have a base. Now here's the difference between a vulva owner and a, well not vulva, but a vaginal canal versus the ass is, there's no stopper. There's no end. Because you go through anus, anal canal, then you have rectum, now you're hanging out in a colon, then you have intestines.
Willow: And people have to go get surgery over this stuff, make sure there's a flare on the end of whatever you're putting in.
Amy: Yes, a flared base, which brings it to the point of that you're talking about butt plugs.
Leah: But can you describe, when you say flared base, can you describe that?
Amy: Like a pacifier, which is odd to think about because that's like children and babies. Yeah, but it looks like it has this flange or flared base so that the thing stops. So a lot of times people want to use it like one of those little mini bullet vibes on an anus.
Willow: Yeah, don't do that.
Amy: Don't do that. Or if you did, you're not inserting it one bit. Because when the ass gets excited, it can start to contract, pulling things in and up. You'll see if you went to PurePleasureShop.com and you went to the anal section, every toy there has a flared base. And that's, yeah, very, very important.
Amy: And vibrations are nice, but you will feel them more so at, on the external part, cause that's where a lot of the nerve endings are.
Amy: Yeah. When you go internal, kind of like G-spot, G-area, it responds more to pressure. And, you know, connection and more energy than vibrations. Whereas a lot of the nerve endings in the anus and the anal canal are responding more to vibrations.
[00:28:05] More Tips When Shopping For Toys
Amy: So that's why a lot of sex toys for anal play don't have vibrators on them. But you can totally play with that.
Willow: So you can start with the finger. I would always start with that until you get your anal game down. With whomever you're playing with. And then once you get the anal game down, like you feel like you understand their ass. They understand their ass. Then the next time you have sex or during that time maybe then you can move from the finger to a toy to a plug. Or the next time maybe you move to a plug. But it's helpful to understand what's happening first before you move to the silicone toy. most anal toys are going to be, you definitely want to be non-porous for sure, due to bacteria. So that's high grade silicone, hard ABS plastic or some... What do you recommend? What's your favorite?
Amy: I'm a big fan of silicone, but I also love stainless steel.
Willow: Cause it's a little bit softer. Okay.
[00:28:53] Njoy | Stainless Steel, Weighted Toys
Amy: Stainless steel is awesome. Like the Njoy Products, because they're heavy and weighted. So once you get the plug all the way in, and again, that can take some time. You're moving towards this unconscious muscle, the receiver's bearing down, or I, like to put it in myself, but sometimes I also like to have a partner put it, cause it's hot. But like, I'm still controlling the situation. But the stainless steel is nice because it's heavy. And it almost pulls itself down and makes your body clench around it more.
Willow: Oh, okay.
Amy: In a good way.
Willow: Interesting.
Amy: In a pleasurable way. and they, the Njoy Line, like the neck is the part that hangs out in your anal canal and you want that part to be thinner so your muscles can relax over it. The thicker part is on the other side of it, in the rectum.
How many inches in are we talking, in the anal canal, like two, three. Four inches sometimes, right?
Amy: Everyone's so, so different. I think for me it was probably gonna be like a half a finger length in that's my own finger in my ass. Probably my partner would be more like, my middle finger would be like three-fourths of my finger or something. So it's all different. And some people will be shorter, but it's just the canal is the part that feels real tight.
Then there's like, ooh, the pleasure centers start to ignite.
Amy: And there's a whole other side there, right. So when we go to rectum now, this is the spot that for people who have penises, there's a prostate in there that can be accessed annually. And even for vulva owners you can have wonderful G-area, G-spot orgasms from anal play through the wall of the vaginal. So the vaginal canal meets the rectum essentially?
Leah: The vaginal canal and the anal cavity share a wall and it's very elastic, push against that wall and then your vagina is massaging your G-spot. It's really a trip.
[00:30:37] What About Poop? It's a Fair Question.
Willow: Which is also, by the way, why it's so important to keep your rectum cavity really clean.
Leah: Well, let's talk about good practices, best practices, for comfortable, clean, anal sex.
the big thing is, despite a lot of porn scenes going from ass to vagina, is not recommended. That's just in the movies. .
Amy: And ass to mouth.
Leah: All the flora between all those areas is very different and they don't mix well. You don't want to get an infection. But what are other standard best practices for anal play? To prep or prepare yourself?
Amy: Yeah. Well, so the cleanliness I know people are like, let's not get into poop. But like it comes,up.
Willow: We're talking anal sex. We're talking about poop.
Leah: I mean, in all honesty, that's what scared me about anal sex in the beginning and what had me going, "wait, people do things there? Like, isn't that where poop lives? I totally don't understand right now."
Willow: Is there always gonna be poop there?
Leah: Yeah, like, how does this work? I have this friend and they are not sex educators. I remember them saying their perspective on anal sex like; "Well, if you're gonna play in the mud, you might get dirty." You're playing in an area where something might happen and might not.
Amy: Yeah, you know, as for me I'm actually thinking more deeply about that. I'm like, okay, so the times when there have been what I call "traces" you know, it's not like all of a sudden a whole poop pops out. Although I have heard of that happening.
Willow: I'm sure.
Amy: Yes, I have totally heard that happening.
Willow: It's a way of doing an enemas actually.
Amy: And Yes, exactly. That's what I would say is if you're a morning pooper, you're probably not a morning anal sexer, right? You're more like probably an evening anal sexer or afternoon. And if you're like, five times a day- People are like, "what about me?" So I'm like, listen to your body. "I feel like I have a bowel movement coming" or "I feel gassy" or "I'm not feeling really clean inside" or "I've been constipated." Probably don't do it.
Leah: Probably won't even be in the mood for it. And if it happens, what best practices should you encounter?
Amy: So, I recommend people to talk with their partners about what if it happens first so that no one loses their shit. Ah. So you don't freak out by their words. Someone's like, "Ew, oh my God - gross!", this kills the mood.
Amy: And so talk to your partner, "What if this happens? What are we going to do?" Like, what's the protocol? Because this might happen. I don't have full control over this, so if you want me to be really, really, really squeaky clean and anal about it, then you can do an anal douche or enema. If you're doing anal douching, what I recommend is you get the little ones we sell on our website, PurePleasureShop.com, and they might have them at drug stores. It's a silicone bulb and it has a little tube. And you fill with water. No laxatives, right. No, no, no, no. No.
Willow: Just water.
Amy: No laxatives. And you put some saline solution in there, or a little bit of sea salt because if you're dehydrated and you don't have the saline or sea salt, you might absorb it, like you're talking about the wall. And then you pee it out and it's uncomfortable. Well lubed again, squeeze that up there and flush it out a couple times. If you're doing deep anal and you're really concerned, like, you know, I'm pretty sure a lot of porn performers do this. They do full enemas. There are enemas that hook up -
Willow: -like colonics. colonics that hook up to your own shower, basically. I've used these before. It literally takes two minutes for the shower pressure to shoot up into your colon and lower intestines. And I think it gets that far, I'm not sure, probably just the colon. And then you go and expel it all out.So if you really want to be that anal about it, then you can do those things. Or you just listen to your body. Maybe just use a nice soapy finger and clean out the actual anal canal.
Amy: And then if your partner or partners are like, "Okay, well if poop happens and this is what we're gonna do; we're gonna lay down dark towels. And then if there's something on my hands, then I'm gonna go wash it off right away." Or "I'm gonna use gloves. So when I use gloves in your ass, whether there's something on there or not, I take it off. And then I have free hands." Because you don't want that mystery hand that went to the ass, now of all sudden touches the pussy.
Leah: Or any other part of the body. Like you don't want to bring that hand right up to the face. What I love about gloves is that you can turn the glove inside out. You don't look at it.
Amy: Yep. You have no idea.
And then you just put it inside out and then you tuck it underneath the towel.
Amy: And I really recommend black gloves too.
Leah: Yeah, I love the black ones, they're so sexy. I also recommend that you look your partner in the eye and you say, "I'll be right back, I'm gonna go wash my hands."
Amy: Yes.
Willow: I definitely have had that experience. I'm like, "Did you wash your hand?"
Amy: YeahI love when partners haven't used gloves, like my partner if he uses it on my ass for the rest of the play that hand is just like off limits. Just hangs out in the corner for everything. He's like now one handed. But he's thinking about it cause he's like, he could just go wash his hand or we could put a glove on that one now.
Amy: There's so many different ways. And there's also finger cots, if you're just using any finger, just one finger. You can put multiple gloves on your hands. You do two layers of gloves on the hand you're using, and then when it's done with the ass, you have a new one to use. Then when that one goes back to the ass, you take that off. You can do this with condoms, with dildos, at least even multiple condoms on them. So you can go ass-vag, ass-vag-mouth, but you're taking the condom off anytime it touched the ass too.
Willow: Right. Right.
Amy: So there's ways to kind of make it more safe, but they're just not guaranteed. Like with my own body, I'd say like 75% to 80% of the time, there's no traces.
Amy: About 25 to 20% of the time there can be traces depending on what I'm doing. And about, Willow would probably be like, "we should talk about this medical problem" about like three to 5% of the time. There's like, "we're stopping what we're doing. We're both taking showers and now we're just making out."
[00:36:05] What is Deep Anal?
Amy: But that's usually we're doing deep anal at that point. You know, that's when we've moved beyond just like a finger kind of barely doing anything.
Leah: I was gonna say, how do you define deep anal?
Amy: Deep anal is when my ass is relaxed and open up so much and I'm like, "I really want you to fuck me really hard in my ass."
Amy: Or some people for deep anal would be like a full hand or fist or something. But deep, deep anal is when you're so open and relaxed that there's almost like no limits at this point.
Willow: Now how much time usually for you to get to that point of deep relaxation where you're at that point?
Amy: Oh, I mean, well from starting to finish from making Amy feel really special like all that stuff?
Willow: From walking through the door.
Amy: Walk through the door? Hours. But every day is different. Like some days our sexual engagement is kissing and touching and my partner loves pussy massage, so I'll get a pussy massage for a good 20 to 30 minutes, and then maybe we move to penetrative vaginal sex or something like that. Then I often am the one who will be like, "I want your finger on my ass." And then "I want your finger in my ass." Or sometimes he will say something about it, you know.
Amy: And I also like anal threats too, whether I want it or not. It doesn't mean it's gonna happen.
Willow: Tease.
Amy: I like my partners, "if you're a bad girl, I'm gonna fuck you in the ass." That's right. But deep down, he knows that only I get to decide that. Sometimes like, from the moment the fingers warming it up to deep anal could be like four minutes. But most of the time it's something like, I don't know, 10 to 15 minutes, to hit that point, starting just from the finger on the outside.
Willow: Yes, and so now you're hearing this from a very experienced practitioner of anal sex.
Willow: So if you are just starting out, give yourself even more time, even more cushion, like give yourself 30 minutes. And then you're not coming up against a broken expectation that you should be able to do something faster or please your partner or performance in some way. This really is not about any of that. It's about sensing and feeling into what feels good for you. And opening up new sensations in your body that you maybe have never felt before.
[00:38:03] Reclaiming Your Pleasure After Being Harmed
Leah: Totally. Yeah. I would add a tip if you've ever been violated in this part of your body and you desired healing. And you desired to be less contracted in this part of your body. One thing that really helped me was being able to receive someone's finger and then their support by going, "okay, now push me out and claim this is yours."
And then I got the feeling of going "Mine!" And pushing that person out. I got to reply like, "this really is mine." Yeah. I'm not doing this just to please you. I'm doing this because I want to do it. And what was powerful about that is then they would say, "Can I come back in?"
And they gave me the opportunity to say "Yes!" I'm affirming that this is actually what I want and I would go through the process of, Yes, you can come in and then I can push out. And I would do that sometimes 3, 4, 5 times. And it actually felt good. The pushing out felt like a relief. And then the next time they came in, I was more spacious and it hurt less.
And I was more comfortable. And there was something about dual affirming and claiming and, you know, all of that was really took me to the next level of being able to enjoy it.
[00:39:07] The Difference Between Pain and Discomfort When it Comes to Anal
Totally powerful, I like that perspective. And brings me to the pain versus discomfort thing and think is important to understand because again, this is a confusing thing, some people like the feeling of pain.
Amy: And I'm one of those people, not for anal sex though, I like pain in other realms. Because I'm all kinds of things. But Anal sex, unless you want it to be painful. But know that if it's painful, it could cause tears and fishers. Really ideally shouldn't be painful, but it will usually, almost always be uncomfortable until the ass relaxes. And that's just a part of it. But understand the difference. And this is why it's great to play with your own ass, because then you can know that pain is more like burning. It's more like "Stop. Ouch. This really hurts." Like a tearing, burning sensation.
Discomfort's like, "Whoa, lots of pressure, lots of pressure, lots of pressure." Need deep breaths. Breathe. Breathe. And they're different. And as the asses relax, discomfort is normal. And probably, generally going to happen most of the time. And then when the ass relaxes, then that discomfort goes away. And you might still feel a little more discomfort. Oftentimes more discomfort when the ass is relaxed, it just means more lube, slow down, change positions. Don't be afraid to add lube, over lube, over lube. Again but understand those differences and be able to advocate for those things there.
But here's one interesting thing about the discomfort when it relaxes. Now your ass is more open. So if you're dealing with a penis that's what you're having sex with, they're actually feeling less sensation now than when your ass is really tight. So, for them they might now need more stimulation in other ways, on their testicles, nipples maybe just your fingers on their shafts.
Willow: Their ass.
Amy: Yeah, their own ass. Whereas if it's a dildo, you don't need to worry about the thing. That thing is gonna stay hard.
Willow: It'll be fine.
Amy: And not everyone's that way. Some people, when they're ass relaxes and opens, they're all good, but this could be the case.
and what's under talked about is anal sphincter muscles that have atrophied a little bit, they're a little looser, and we assume that because it's more open, that it's comfortable. But that's not necessarily the case. You want to kind of take the temperature.
Leah: And as you were speaking, I was reflecting, you know, I don't know that I was really in a lot of pain. I think I was in a lot of fear. And so there's gripping. There's a...
Willow: It's a good distinction.
Leah: ...an anticipation of, "Ooh, it'll probably hurt". So it's all of that constriction, tightness, cortisol going, "I'm afraid of this and I'm trying to relax into it, but I'm not over that line yet." Yeah. And it doesn't mean that I shouldn't be listening to the fear. But it also doesn't mean that I have to let the fear be in the driver's seat. So you kind of have to really be aware of what's right for you right now.
Willow: Yeah, and to that point, you know, everyone's different in ways that they can relax. But altered states can often bring forth a lot more relaxation in these areas in the body that we are so accustomed to clenching and to holding tight. So, you know, a glass of wine, little sip of some weed, a little bit of M.D.A., you know, whatever floats your boat and creams your twinkie...
Leah: Ooooooh! Cream your twinkie! Oh my God. That is charming.
Amy: That's adorable. And now I'm thinking anal and cream, and twinkies.
Leah: Oh, I'm gonna text my husband.
[00:42:29] Eek! Has this Happened to You?
Amy: Ejaculate in asses. Because this is a conversation April and I have had and all bodies are different. I know multiple people that have my same experience and I know a lot of people who have different experiences.
So, and in porn often you'll see ejaculate in an ass and then they let it leak out or it comes out. My body holds onto that stuff. Absorb it. And then I get a bellyache.
Leah: Oh, is that right?
Amy: It's really uncomfortable. And I talked to at least two or three other people where this is the case.
Willow: That sounds interesting.
Amy: It could be in those times, the only three times I've allowed ejaculation on my ass, I was dehydrated. That's possible. But I've tried to expel it and it won't come out. And whereas other people like April on the podcast, she's like, "that doesn't happen to me. It just comes right out." Just know that everyone's so different, you know, all asses are very different in the way that they operate.
And so for me, I have no ejaculate in my ass rule. It's a hard rule.
Willow: Hard rule.
Amy: Learned the hard way a couple times, really comfortable with multiple partners. And it just doesn't work for me. And I think this applies to sex in general. It's like we're all so different and maybe we explore and learn what works for us in the slowest way possible with the most communication.
And you'll learn your own version of that. your own version might be like, I just like a doggy style real quick. That's cool. Yeah. you know, you do you.
Leah: Right. You may only want a finger on the outside and never be penetrated, and that's very common.
Amy: Oh, what about mouths? Also known as rimming. So the anus does have a lot of nerve endings about as many as your lips, I believe. So very sensitive.
Willow: 8,000?
Leah: I think it's 800. 8000 is the clitoris. It's eight hundred.
Amy: Clitoris is the power house.
Leah: I think it's 800 in each nipple and 800 at the anus. But don't quote me, we'll research it.
Amy: It's approximately. And so that's why vibrations, light touch from fingers and lips, and tongues can feel really nice anally. And so a lot of people are into mouths on asses; rimming, they will call it. And I personally don't teach specific techniques. To me, the same thing you're doing with fingers, your mouth does the same thing. Pretty much does the same thing. But you definitely want to make sure that ass is clean because you're putting your mouth on the ass and this is a nice time to take showers together.
Leah: Right? Yeah.
Amy: Jump in the shower.
Leah: You can wash each other and sex that up and make it feel sweet and yummy.
Amy: Yeah.
[00:44:43] What's the difference between an anal orgasm and other orgasms?
Okay, I do have one last question for you, depending on how we're doing on time, but I want to make sure we get this in there. How would you describe the difference between an anal orgasm and other kind of orgasms?
Amy: So for me, okay, well, it's evolved. And so I think it's different for everyone because some people get off on anal because of the hardness of it, the taboo of it. This is bad, wrong, dirty, nasty, right? You know, the experience in their minds can create an anal orgasm.
Other people might have anal orgasm because they have a prostate and whatever's being inserted is hitting the prostate. For those folks, they're usually having their cock touch at the same time though, by themselves or by someone else. Which is more of like a full bodied, transcendent, expansive orgasm.
Some people are having anal orgasms who have vulvas and whatever is penetrating them from the anal canal is actually hitting that G-spot, G-area tissue. Then again, a more full body is what people would describe as opposed to this brief, kind of like quick, external woo that felt nice.
[00:45:42] Triple Layer Orgasm, Anyone?
Amy: For me, what I do these days, which I love is, anal sex with a couple options is what I like to do, one is having an anal plugin, a cock inside me and a vibrator on my clit all at the same time.
Willow: Damn.
Amy: That's a badass Orgasm.
Willow: Don't mess around.
Leah: That's what I call, I call that a triple layered cake.
Amy: That's a triple layer cake. And what that plug does, is it also pushes my G-spot, G-area tissue closer to the cock that's inside of me. Ah-huh. And makes it so now I'm getting more of that stimulation. And then I have an external vibrator. I'm a big fan of the Air Section Vibrators, but maybe you're a finger person or whatever. Whatever your jam is. That feels really great to me. I have had anal orgasms just from a cock inside of me too. And for me it's mixed with more internal full body orgasm with a dirty taboo.
Amy: Not dirty. Cause me and anal sex I don't think of as dirty, but a little naughty.
Leah: The naughty one. Yeah.
Amy: They're like, oh, I'm so bad. And look, I'm having this anal orgasm right now. Yeah, see? It's just different for everyone in terms of what their experience is. You should definitely try the triple air cake, though. I'm gonna call it that now.
Leah: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Layer that up.
Amy: It's a great time.
Leah: Yeah
Willow: All right. Any last final questions?
Leah: Well, how are we doing on time?
We're at 48 minutes of anal land. I mean, I can talk about anal for about 20 hours.
Leah: Right? I know. I'm like, oh my gosh. we'll have to do part two because there's all sorts of stuff to keep unfolding.
Willow: Well, go ahead...
[00:47:07] Check out Kenneth Play
Amy: ... Can I throw one shout out to someone who I really appreciate their anal sex teachings, who y'all should have in your show sometime?
Willow: Yeah. Great.
Amy: His name is Kenneth Play.
Leah: Okay.
Amy: And he wrote the book Beyond Satisfied. And he's more like a sex hacker. So finds more like the quick ways of things, but is very much still about working with the whole person. And he has really, really great things, like things I've never, would never even think about for anal sex.
Leah: Cool.
Amy: And so some of what I've shared is what I've learned from him & plenty of other educators. But for people who want to learn more about anal sex, like he has free YouTube videos that are him having sex, teaching you about anal.
Leah: Cool.
Amy: And he's awesome.
Willow: Kenneth Play.
Leah: Kenneth Play.
Amy: Yeah. He's awesome.
Leah: Well, I just really want to thank you for normalizing anal play and anal discovery for everyone. I think it's such a beautiful part of our sexual potential and I love that we have a whole other pleasure playground, and so, yeah, I think I just want to spread the good words to everyone out there.
Willow: Yes, Amy, thank you so much.
Leah: Have a happy ass. Yeah!
Amy: Happy ass everybody.
Willow: And just sharing like all the different avenues and ways and everyone's body is so different. And you really need to explore and discover and find out what works for you, what doesn't work for you. so that it's an enjoyable and very transcendent process, I think.
Leah: And to those in the audience all the complex emotions that are really relatable to shame, if that is arising and you've felt any discomfort, be really with that, it's normal. And it becomes more and more comfortable the more you allow yourself to be curious. And so just know that if this conversation comes with a contraction, it's all good. Yeah. It's a part of the process. You're on time.
Willow: Yeah. Absolutely. So Amy, where can our listeners find you? We already know where we can find you. And Ensure they do too. But let's talk about that.
Amy: Well, you can find me and April, who is my co-host from Shameless Sex would be here but we are in the process of writing a book, and it's due in about 48 hours, 24 hours. . And she has more of a portion to write than, well, than I do at this point.
Amy: So, so ShamelessSex.com is our website. Our podcast is Shameless Sex Podcast. It's on all the apps. We're on TikTok and Instagram And you can find Willow and Leah on our podcast by the time this is all yours, And Willow's been on our show many times. We're fun, silly, playful, educational, informative podcasts, all about how to have less shame about sex and relationships.
Leah: and the website for your Pure Pleasure Shop?
Amy: Oh yes. The PurePleasureShop.com. That's pure PurePleasureShop.com. I own that website with my mom.
Willow: Where you can get all kinds of butt plugs.
Amy: There's a whole anal section there. And you can even email us through the contact form and we can help you find the right toy.
Amy: If you use coupon code, shameless sex, you get 15% off and you can say hi to my mom and think about me when you're using that butt plug.
Leah: Yeah. Awesome. And that coupon code will be in the show notes, so be sure...
Amy: it never expires, as far as I know.
Willow: I think we even have a 20% off one.
Amy: Oh, you do? Do you guys have a special one?
Willow: Yes, we got a special one.
Amy: Go look at the show notes!
Leah: We'll look that one up.
Willow: Alright, thank you Amy. Thank you so much. That was so fun.
Leah: Love, love, love.
SxR Announcer: Now our favorite part. The dish.
[00:50:39] The Dish
Leah: Welcome to the dish. My oh my, what a dishy day.
Willow: We're gonna talk about anal play.
Leah: Yes, we did. We talked a lot about anal play, didn't we? With the lovely, the illustrious, the talented Amy Baldwin,
Willow: Amy Baldwin. Anal with Amy, it was really fun, she just normalized it. She made it like, it's just part of sexuality. It's something that is available to everyone. We've all got an asshole. I don't knowwhat the percentage is, but a lot of us are afraid to play with it. It feels like a dirty area and is there really pleasure there? And Leah speaks to that in the episode. And you know, it's, a place of discovery. So if there's any inkling of curiosity inside of you for expanding different forms and different avenues of pleasure, this is certainly one to tap into.
We were talking at dinner last night about our experience of the episode, and just how cool I think it was that she was the one that initiated her desire to be penetrated there when she was still pretty young.
Leah: You know, I think she said she was 17.
Willow: 17.
Leah: And even before like she was having orgasmic sensations through penetration. I don't even think that she had had an orgasm up until that point. It wasn't until she was 18 that she had an orgasm with a vibrator. So I just thought, "wow", like, that was so outside of my reality around that same age. Like we were definitely different experiences. And I just think that would've been so cool to have been that open, that aware, that curious, at that time in my life. I just really, I'm happy for her. You know, like I had to go through so much drama regarding anal play. I was so distraught over it.
I just didn't even understand how gay guys were into it. Like, how did this work? I was so undereducated. And I just feel so happy with myself in all honesty that I was able to change my mindset and get really curious. And I had to do a lot of healing work to really embrace the pleasure that was possible for me. Because it was fraught with fear, you know? If you're here at this point in the episode, then you've heard a little bit about my story and that there had been some sexual abuse that I uncovered as a result to make sense of why this area of sexuality was so dangerous feeling to me.
Leah: And I didn't understand it until some of those things came to the surface. And then I had to heal all that stuff. And I was such a tight ass that it was just nothing but discomfort. But I really wanted what these other women I was encountering who I really respected. And when I heard that they could have anal orgasms, I was not gonna be left out.
One thing I didn't mention is like top three orgasmic experiences of my life have all been anal.
Willow: Oh yeah, you didn't talk about that. You know, another thing we didn't talk about in the episode, but we really were kind of kicking ourselves about it was the strap ons.
Willow: And so we did kinda start chatting with Amy about it afterwards. And you know, she's just telling us about like, oh, this strap-on and this thing is really great and these work well. for male penetration, like if you are a female or a male and you want to, use a dildo for anal play and penetration that is certainly something to explore.
What I love about Amy is she's got this Pure Pleasure Shop and you can email her and her mom and ask questions and be like, "Okay, I'm, I'm curious. I have no idea what to get, what to buy, what should I do? I've never really had anal sex. I've never really enjoyed anal sex. Do I need to start with butt plugs? Like what size, what kind, how do I even begin this journey?"
Willow: First, of course listening to this interview is a beginning to the journey, but you know, just getting some support around like, what's the kind of protocol here? What's the best way to go about this?
Leah: I'm really glad you mentioned that because the thing that is different about shopping and getting support and asking advice from an online store like Pure Pleasure Shop, is you don't have to go into a brick and mortar store. And I know how intimidating or embarrassing or like insecure feelings could arise going into a sex store for many people when they're not sure what questions to ask or they're just afraid to look into somebody else's eyes and ask those types of questions.
Leah: So I love that you can fill out their submission form and ask your questions. And it's just another level of safety and you can be anonymous. And sometimes we have to take baby steps into exploring our sexual selves in a more broadened way. I mean, I know we kinda dropped the bomb on this audience and just went all in on this episode.
Like I said in the episode, if there's any sensations that are arising that are difficult to feel because the sensations are maybe reminiscent of shame, that's really normal, you know? Yeah. It takes time in our discovering more openness for some of the shame that's just culturally ingrained to start to weave out of our system and for us to feel more free.
Leah: And you're on your way, if that's you. Yeah. Good job.
Willow: Yeah. It just takes, an openness, a willingness to explore and, you know, you get to stop whenever you want. If something doesn't feel right, you just stop and you pull back and then maybe you go a little further next time. And, you know, it's not about getting it all in one session and, you know, having that full experience.
Willow: It's about opening and discovering who you are when you open-
Leah: yeah, who you want to be.
Willow: -to your potential. Who you get to be. You get to decide. What was so great about being with Amy is to have such radically different experiences. Like she's been in a pretty sex-positive upbringing. I think both her parents are kind of different. One's super conservative. The other one I think is probably super liberal. And she's got two families that have been in Santa Cruz for generations, you know, on both her parents' side.
Leah: So I think that she kind of got a leg up in the sex positivity world as compared to myself who grew up in the Midwest, and had a lot of religious conditioning. And so it took me years y'all to get to be as shame free as I am today.
Leah: It took a lot of support from other people and I had to work through just lots of discomfort, sensations, you know, in my belly, in my throat, like just in my body, just sorting out how to be free. And so just know that your timing is perfect and you're right on time.
Willow: Yeah, absolutely.
Leah: So let us know what your thoughts are, what your comments are. We want to know what your experience with anal pleasure is? Would you like to tell us everything? Because we want again, continue to normalize this and make this a conversation that can happen more fluidly with friends.
Leah: And so that everyone can have a happy ass. Yay.
Willow: Because a happy ass is a happy person.
Leah: And of course, if your ass is just very happy, just as it is, it never needs to be penetrated. Well, bravo for you too. You're also included. So yeah. Tell us about your mishaps. Tell us your wins. Tell us and describe to us, because I don't think as a culture we describe pleasure enough.
Leah: You know, we use the word orgasm, but very rarely do you hear people describe what an orgasm actually feels like in your body? In my body? How do we know what pleasure really is? We know that language is sort of piss poor in general to describe our experiences, but when we can start getting good at describing things that we felt, tracking where we felt it, and starting to describe the nuances of these sensations, we give permission for all of us to uplevel our own experiences of pleasure. Because once I know that your body's capable of something that my body hasn't figured out yet, it opens up the potential for my body to begin to experience that.
Leah: My body won't know that it's possible until someone else illuminates, enlightens, tells me, shows me, informs me that there's something I haven't tapped into yet. So this is a gift that we are co-creating as a community together. Let's be comfortable. Let's be open-minded. Let's hold each other really sort of safe and sacred as we explore coming to words! Coming to words, we need to come into our words so that we can really pass on pleasure to one another.
Willow: Yes, exactly. I'm so glad you said that. I had an experience last night, not gonna go into too much detail, but it was,
Leah: Give us details. Willow, could you hold out on us?
Willow: Well, after that interview we did for shameless sex on cervical orgasms and womb orgasms.
Willow: I had a massive cervical orgasm that reverberated up into this one spot in my womb. And it was so wild and crazy. It was like, at first it got kind of crampy, like almost like a period cramp or something. It was achy. It was crampy, but it was sweet. It was like a sweet achy cramp. And I just stayed with it and I followed it.
Willow: And One of the things that was so beautiful was like I was given the time and space to stay with it and follow it. Wasn't like, okay, let's keep going. You know? It was like, let's just honor what just happened here. Like that huge release and it took about 10 minutes for the whole thing to completely unwind and unravel in my womb.
Leah: Wow.
Willow: And then, I mean, I just felt so blissed out after that. I mean, I'm in bliss land. But yeah.
Leah: She is in brain chemistry cocktail land. Lucky girl.
Willow: But it was so, it was so powerful. It basically created the 10 minute orgasm inside of my body, which didn't look like, oh my God, I'm screaming, I'm having an orgasm. It wasn't that kind of pleasure. It was a different kind of pleasure.
Willow: And so that's exactly what you're talking about, it was this like, Dark, divine feminine unfolding. It was a healing for all wombs across all time and space. That's what it was.
Leah: Wow. You know what that kind of reminds me of is, an episode with Rupani, Om Rupani, and he talks about the somatic experience of when we go into what is a contraction, right?
Leah: It's like you felt this cramping in a certain part of your body, you stayed with it, you felt it, you stayed present. You allowed yourself the full experience of it. All this space then occurs because when we have a contraction or a block or a crampy kind of sensation, that's like crystallized, stuck emotional, who knows what it is? It just is what it is. But it can move and we can transform those blocks into orgasm.
Leah: And if you think about orgasm in and of itself, it's a series of contractions and expansions, contractions and expansions. It's like it's a pulsation that ripples through the body. And so what I love that you just described, it's like, here's this cramp, here's the contraction, right? And then as it moves and opens and frees itself, then you get freed up into bliss. And then you get to experience more love, and you get to take that love and really nourish yourself with it.
Willow: Yeah, the emotions were pouring through. I mean, it was just like, it was a waterfall release. It was, it was beautiful.
Leah: Stunning, yay. Womb-gasms for all.
Willow: Yay. Cervical Orgasms, go get one. It doesn't matter what gender, even if you don't have a cervix, even if your womb has been removed, you still have the energy of it. So explore and play. Get curious about your body. Like when I'm doing self-practice, I'll often be like, you know, in the vag and in the mouth at the same time.
Leah: Is that right?
Willow: Jaw tension. I mean, you can get creative with your body people.
Leah: Yeah. That's really cool. That kinda reminds me of bandha's work, right? So we'll have a whole fellatio oral sex episode where we talk about how orgasms can happen in the throat, and-
Willow: they can...
Leah: -there's a whole yoga philosophy behind that.
Leah: But back to Amy, really quick. Cause I want to remember. I didn't know, this was a new piece for me that if you're really dehydrated, you could absorb the semen into your tissues and that can create a stomach ache and like a bladder ache? And I have never experienced that before. I didn't even know that that was a thing.That was really interesting to hear. For some people, ejaculating into the anus is no big deal. it comes right out. you just squeeze, you know, poop it out basically.
Willow: Right. But Amy was having a different experience and so now that is not allowed. that is off limits for her body. So she's really been the scientist, the ologist of her own sexuality, of her own body.
Leah: Yes. So now you have so much interesting information to have at a dinner party. Oh, and don't you just love August Anal, or is it Anal August?
Leah: And then they also do, was it Jerk Off July?
Willow: Yeah, I know, those girls. They just like to have fun.
Leah: They're so fun. We should campaign on those with them, you know, and do like specialty episodes.
Shameless sex girls, you guys keep on coming up with these great iterations and we will pow wow with you and do some featured stuff. So y'all, you got something to look forward to next summer?
Leah: Okay, Bye.
Willow: Yeah. Let's see soon.
SxR Announcer: Thanks for tuning in.
SxR Announcer: If the hosts seem to know what they were talking about, that's because they do. Leah Piper is a Tantric sex Master coach and a positive psychology facilitator. Dr. Willow Brown is both a Chinese and functional medicine doctor and a Taoist sexology teacher. Don't forget your comments, likes, subscribes, and suggestions matter.
SxR Announcer: Let's realize this new world together.