Menopause or Spiritual Awakening? | Debs de Vries: How To Hear The Wisdom Hidden In Your Hormonal Changes | #140
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The Voice-Vulva Connection: How Your Vagus Nerve Unlocks Midlife Transformation
Why Midlife Women Suddenly "Can't Take It Anymore" (And Why That's Perfectly Right)
Have you ever wondered why, somewhere in your 40s, your tolerance for certain people and situations suddenly vanished?
One day you're patiently handling everyone's problems, and the next you're thinking, "I just can't do this anymore."
According to Debs De Vries, author of The Voice, the Vulva and the Vagus nerve and recent guest on the Sex Reimagined Podcast with Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown, this isn't a breakdown—it's a breakthrough.
"At midlife, your band of tolerance gets really tight," Debs explains. "It needs to get tight because you're now in the process of sifting and sorting what truly matters."
The Question That Changed Everything
Debs' journey into this work began with a haunting question after losing her mother to ovarian cancer at just 51, followed by her aunt and cousin to similar conditions.
"Does nature just use up women and then chuck them away like a dirty old Kleenex when they've done the productive years?" she wondered.
This question led her down a path of discovery that completely transformed how she viewed women's midlife transitions.
What she discovered was that our bodies aren't betraying us during perimenopause and menopause—they're redirecting us toward our soul's purpose.
Listen to the full episode here | Watch the full episode here
The Hidden Connection Between Voice, Pleasure, and Purpose
The most fascinating revelation from the podcast conversation was how our vagus nerve—which runs from our brainstem to our heart, gut, and connects to our reproductive organs—creates a powerful pathway between our expression and our pleasure.
"That line of connection in our bodies called the vagus nerve," Dr. Willow explained, "is why we've been teaching for decades that women who can't speak their truth often struggle to experience pleasure in their bodies."
This nerve, when functioning optimally, helps us:
- Experience safety and relaxation in our bodies
- Access deeper states of pleasure
- Make decisions from alignment rather than fear
- Process emotions without projecting them onto others
But when we're constantly stressed, this nerve becomes overworked and begins filtering our entire experience through a lens of danger and disconnection.
The Energetic Shift That Changes Everything at 44-45
According to Debs, something remarkable happens in women's bodies around age 44-45 (what she calls the "Uranus Return").
"In the lower two chakras, there are gates that allow Kundalini energy in, and it flows out with the menstrual flow when it's not used to build placenta," she explains. "One of those gates begins to close at around 44-45 years due to perimenopause."
In other words, the energy that once flowed outward through your monthly cycle now begins redirecting upward.
"The program isn't for you to keep producing," Debs says. "The program is for you to have a new life."
This explains why so many women suddenly feel called to make dramatic changes during perimenopause—new careers, new relationships, new purposes. It's not a midlife crisis; it's a midlife calling.
A Simple Practice to Transform Projection and Anger
One of the most practical takeaways from the episode was a technique called "The Wood Chopper" from the African yoga tradition.
When you feel emotionally triggered or angry:
- Stand with feet wide in a squat position
- Keep your spine straight
- Make a chopping motion while saying "Ha!"
- Feel the energy move from your solar plexus to your heart
"When you've felt the emotion fully," Debs explains, "the need to project it pretty much disappears because you are it now. You're not trying to get rid of it by giving it to somebody else."
This simple exercise helps transform potential relationship conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection.
Listen to the full episode here | Watch the full episode here
The Soul Return That Awaits at 48-52
Perhaps most intriguingly, Debs discusses the "Chiron Return" that occurs between ages 48-52—a critical astrological milestone that invites us to heal our deepest wounds and unlock our greatest gifts.
"Chiron represents a passage," she says. "The very thing that you've been avoiding is the way that you are going to bring those gifts and talents into your life, into other people's lives."
This explains why women who lean into their midlife transition rather than fighting it often emerge with remarkable clarity about their purpose and unprecedented creative energy to fulfill it.
Are You Denying Yourself the Joy of Being in a Body?
When asked what wisdom she wanted to share about sensuality, sex, and pleasure, Debs offered this powerful reminder:
"If you are not getting pleasure, it's not that you're broken. You are just not yet allowed to tap into the deep healing beauty and importance of this. Don't deny yourself this opportunity in the human body to experience the deep pleasure that you are designed for."
Her words serve as a permission slip for women who have spent decades prioritizing others' needs and comfort over their own sensual and sexual expression.
Where To Listen
This transformative conversation between Debs De Vries, Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown on the Sex Reimagined Podcast offers both spiritual wisdom and practical tools for navigating midlife transitions with greater ease and embodied awareness.
Listen to the full episode here | Watch the full episode here
Don't miss Debs' free "Discover Your Shadow Saboteur Quiz" mentioned at the end of the episode to identify what might be blocking your midlife transformation.
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