#199 | Leah & Dr. Willow: Feeling Undesirable? Here's the Fix.
Jul 06, 2026She Asked If She Was Grieving Her Marriage or Grieving Herself. Here's What We Told Her.
A woman wrote in and said something we haven't stopped thinking about. She said, "I can't remember the last time my husband looked at me like he wanted me, and I don't know if I'm grieving my marriage or if I'm grieving myself." That line cracked something open for us, because we know she's not the only one carrying it. If you've quietly wondered why you don't feel desired anymore, whether it's your body, your age, your marriage, or the dating apps wearing you down, this episode is for you.
On this week's Sex Reimagined Podcast, Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown get honest about the slow ways desirability slips away. Aging, hormone shifts, body changes, illness, the drift that happens in long relationships, ghosting on dating apps. None of it means you're unlovable. It means something got buried, not lost. And the fix isn't waiting for someone else to look at you differently. It's turning that attention back on yourself first.
The most powerful move in the whole conversation is this: stop waiting to be chosen. Choose yourself. Sit down and name what makes you irresistible, not acceptable, irresistible, and don't move on until you find something true. From there, small physical practices matter. Mirror work with candles and music. Movement that gets your heart rate up. Time in nature. Willow describes doing qigong on the beach and having dolphins and a seal show up mid-practice, and that kind of aliveness counts as desire too. It doesn't have to be sexual to be real.
There's also a harder, more vulnerable move for couples. Ask your partner what first pulled them toward you, and whether it's still true now. Esther Perel's research comes up here, and it reframes everything: people rarely cheat because they've stopped wanting their partner. They cheat because they've reconnected with a part of themselves they'd lost touch with. That's the real work. Not proving you're still worth wanting. Finding your way back to the parts of yourself that already are.
Key Takeaways
- Feeling undesirable is usually tied to aging, body changes, or the natural drift in long relationships, not a sign you're unlovable
- Choosing yourself first, before waiting for outside validation, is the real starting point
- Movement, mirror work, and time in nature can shift your state and reconnect you to your body
- You're most magnetic when you're in your genius zone, doing what you're actually good at
- Real desire often needs a vulnerable conversation about what first attracted you to each other, and whether it's changed
- Esther Perel's research shows affairs are usually about reconnecting with yourself, not wanting someone new
- Radiance comes from the inside out, not from the mirror
Watch the full episode on YouTube [link] or listen wherever you stream podcasts [link].
Sex Reimagined is hosted by Leah Piper, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator and founder of More Love Works, and Dr. Willow Brown, Doctor of Chinese Medicine and Taoist Sexology teacher. New episodes weekly.
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