DATING AFTER LOSS | Alison Armstrong 1.0: From Grieving Widow to Best Sex Ever in 3 Years | #171

She Found the Best Sex of Her Life at 61 – Here’s What She Learned About Love

A widow's radical approach to authenticity that rewrote the rules of romance

Alison Armstrong sits in her backyard guest house, which her boyfriend Dan has named “Harmony,” and shares something that stops the conversation cold: at 61, three years after losing her husband of nearly three decades, she’s having the best sex of her entire life. [file:76]

“If somebody had said, you know, when you’re in your sixties, you’re gonna have the best sex of your entire life, you wouldn’t have believed it,” she laughs in her Sex Reimagined Podcast interview with hosts Leah Piper and Dr. Willow Brown. “Don’t people stop that?” Most people do. Alison didn’t. [file:76]

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The Aftermath Nobody Talks About

Three years after Greg died, Alison describes herself as a “crazy horny widow.” She was grieving, in shock, and also dealing with what nearly 30 years of consistent intimacy does to a body when it suddenly disappears. [file:76]

“I didn’t know what a steady diet of sex for almost three decades could do to a person. And then it’s gone. And then he’s gone. And I’m crying, I’m grieving, I’m in shock, and horny, fucking horny.” Her son put his arm around her while she sobbed that Greg was the best lover she’d ever had—yet instead of shutting down, she chose a different path forward. [file:76]

Two Links, Zero Games

Before she and Dan ever met in person, when they were only texting, Alison did something most dating advice would call relationship suicide: she sent him two links—her Erotic Blueprint quiz results and information about genetic sleep and sex timing patterns. [file:76]

“We hadn’t met yet, and I knew his erotic blueprint,” she shares with clear satisfaction. This wasn’t desperation; it was strategy. Instead of months of guessing about sexual compatibility or hiding key truths, she put her cards on the table from day one and invited him to do the same. [file:76]

The 42–Item “B List”

When they finally met face to face, Alison brought what she calls her “B List”: 42 specific requirements about who he needed to be for the relationship to work—not how he might change, but who he fundamentally was. [file:76]

His response? He took notes. “If you are not consistent with what you say you require, then they know you don’t actually require it,” she explains, reflecting on past relationships where she tried to override needs that never went away. Each of the 42 items was a true deal breaker; if he didn’t meet it, they would end the relationship. “We better look at this list again,” Dan said. [file:76]

The Daily “Lie Down” That Changed Everything

Today, Alison and Dan share a simple daily ritual they call “the lie down.” Every day, they lie down together and hold each other—sometimes talking, sometimes napping, sometimes getting playful—but always beginning with connection and presence, skin-to-skin. [file:76]

“He made this up back in January and it has transformed life,” Alison says. There are playful variations: the “dirty down” when they’re covered in horse feed and manure but still crave contact, and the “go down,” which she hints at with a blush. They live separately—her in the guest house 90 steps away, him in the main house—and are only in each other’s space by invitation, designing a relationship that fits who they truly are. [file:76]

“Wrinkles Are Irrelevant to Pleasure”

“Wrinkles are irrelevant to pleasure,” Alison declares, and it’s not a slogan—it’s lived truth. “Imagine no self-consciousness. Imagine wrinkles are just not anything, neither here nor there. They’re irrelevant to pleasure.” [file:76]

She’s not saying this to convince herself; she’s saying it from inside the most satisfying intimate relationship of her life, at an age when many people assume passion is over. “Maybe people’s sex lives wind down because they think they’re supposed to,” she muses. “And maybe our job is to tell them no.” [file:76]

Fly Your Freaky Flag

For Alison, the core of great love is radical authenticity. “Fly your freaky flag,” she says. “Whatever you think they’re gonna break up with you about, advertise it from the very beginning. So they’ll just go away without you ever knowing it. You won’t feel the rejection, they just went away.” [file:76]

This isn’t about settling; it’s about becoming so clear about who you are and what you need that you become magnetic to the person who is actually right for you. “Everything we’re doing to get men to love us is silly because they’re born loving us and we mostly get in the way of it,” she reflects. [file:76]

Living in Harmony

At 61, Alison is living what many people chase for a lifetime: honest, spacious partnership, deep pleasure, and a daily rhythm that honors both autonomy and connection. She lives in “Harmony,” a guest house 90 steps from the man who asks each week how he can support her, feeds horses by his side, and shares sex that her younger self couldn’t have imagined. [file:76]

None of this happened by accident. It arose because she was willing to tell the truth about who she is, what she needs, and what she will no longer negotiate. Her story is less about “finding the one” and more about becoming the woman who refuses to abandon herself. [file:76]

Episode Links & Resources

Explore Alison’s work and the tools mentioned in the episode: [file:76]

For more conscious sexuality, grief-to-desire journeys, and real-world love stories, browse the Sex Reimagined podcast library and related episodes in the app directory. [file:76]

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